Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Magnolias and Mammaw


I have researched trees, and visited a local nursery, and have come to the conclusion (90%) that I am going to plant a Magnolia tree in the spring.

While I was contemplating over what type of tree to plant I realized I wanted one that bloomed. I love the smell and view of a tree in bloom. Granted they are beautiful like that for only a short time, but while they are in bloom they are the most beautiful things I have ever seen.

They kind of remind me of my life. I don't need to be flashy. I don't need to be patted on the back all the time. I love my job. I love that I am in the background making my boss look good. I love knowing that he relies on me day in and day out to keep him on track. But every once in a while... I get a chance to break out of the mundane and really shine. To show everyone that I am not just there... that I can make a splash too.

What do I do? I am an executive assistant. I am the "secretary" for the CEO. I say "secretary" because that is what outsiders see me as. My boss and I know different. When I took two and a half weeks off work for personal time and went back all I heard from everyone in the building was "Thank God you are back. Now he can get back to normal", "He was lost without you".
Even the other girl in my office said "There were days he would walk in here, look at your desk, sigh, and walk back out. I was beginning to get a complex!" and then we would laugh.
His wife saw me at an engagement the day I went back and she leaned over and said "Are you really back Abby?" I nodded and smiled. She said "Thank God! I couldn't stand another night of him telling me how much he missed you and couldn't wait until you got back and things got done".

I joke and use the line from My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding, where the mother says "He may be the head, but I am the neck. And the head will move whatever way the neck wants it to." (or something to that effect).

That is me. To outsiders I am just a tree. My boss is the one that matters. The one they want to get to see.
To those that know me and see me all the time I am that beautiful tree full of bloom. To others, depending on when/how they see me I am just a tree like any other.

So I knew I wanted to be/plant a blooming tree. As I walked around the nursery I saw a magnolia. I also saw Ash and Beech that interested me, but that Magnolia kept pulling me back. I came home and meditated on it a bit and as I thought about that Magnolia I saw my grandmother's face coming in and out of focus. My grandmother is dead, so I was not sure what the reason for seeing her was. After a while I realized why she was there when I saw her house in my mind.  She had two beautiful magnolia trees in the front yard.

I remember climbing in them when I was a child. I remember sitting under them and digging in the dirt with a spoon just to see what I could see. I remember playing in the leaves as I raked them, messing them up only to have to rake again. I remember watching the lizards crawl up them and the day I was brave enough to finally pick one up by its tail. I remember the katydids and their husks on the trees.  I remember the day I sat on the screened front porch and watched with her as the locus swarm came through.
I remembered having my Mammaw back with me because she and I were very close.

I was so excited when I learned that magnolias could grow up here in the northeast. My grandmother lived in Texas, a much warmer climate.

So unless something drastic changes... I will be planting a magnolia tree in the spring at the hospital where I work.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Random Coincidences

I have managed to have one of those <insert god(ess) singing> moments.

Although it seems I am having them more often of late. Maybe I am starting to just listen more.

I am going to start writing a book. Just a simple book, but a book that I would love to have right now for my journeys. I have no idea how to get it published or what to do with it once I write it, but I am sure I can figure it all out if it ever comes to that point.

What book? I am glad you asked..... The current title is 366 Days of Meditation.
It will be a very superficial list of ideas for a beginning Druid to meditate on. Some of us have never meditated before in our life. We have no idea what to even meditate about. My meditation for the last few days has circled around the "wouldn't a book to help me with this be nice" subject. This book will be the kind where you can open to any page and begin meditating on the subject listed. If you want to dwell a few days, be my guest. If not... move on to the next subject the following day.

I drew a yes/no spread today which told me that Yes I should write it and the timing was Autumn. <insert my cute face staring out the window realizing it is CURRENTLY autumn>

THEN I looked back over the last few days of drawings to circle back on them and they are all very positive about me moving forward with something confidently. And the last two (prior to today) were all Major cards (The Chariot yesterday and The Magician the day before). So whatever it is, its pointing me towards something big. 

Maybe its all coincidence..... but I am rolling with the flow. Because who knows... maybe life is made up of random coincidences and only those that listen to the coincidences are the ones that flourish! :)

Monday, November 8, 2010

A Different Approach

Ever get that feeling that you are being smacked in the heads by the powers that be? That was my life this weekend.

It started on Friday with my complaining to myself and all that listen that I haven't learned the Tarot fast enough. I started working with them about 2 or 3 months ago and I can't remember even a dozen of their meanings. I read the responses that I need to take my time and not try to push it, that Tarot is something that people spend a lifetime learning. I took a deep breath and went back to my studies.

I woke up Saturday morning and did my daily card drawing like I always do and got the Hanged Man. Ok... do a 180 on my outlook, avoid victim mentality. Didn't know why I got this card (already forgot about my tantrum the day before). But I wrote it down in my Tarot book of readings and went about my day.

That evening my step-daughter called and was in town from college and wanted to come visit. So she came over and we (her, the hubby, and myself) went out to eat. We decided while we were out we would go to the mall so he could return something. I sneaked into the book store because it always draws me like a moth to a flame every time I am near. I looked around the store and inevitably stopped at my one little tiny section of "Religion" that isn't chocked full of Christian books. This little section is mostly Wicca, but sometimes I find something interesting in it. I got to the second shelf and there it was. Tarot 101. It wasn't even in with the other books, it was pulled out and laying across the spines of other books. I picked it up and started to thumb through it. It teaches you the cards in a totally different way. And rather than just talk, it made me do homework and work with the cards, and pointed me in directions of what to do rather than letting me flail helplessly out in limbo. I bought that book faster then the hubby could complete his return across the hall.

I was so into this book yesterday that I didn't even remember to make my daily draw. I just opened my book to complete today's draw and see what my draw was for Saturday morning.

Do a 180. *smiles*

Take this one step further -
Wednesday - Slow and Steady
Thursday - Same Draw (Slow and Steady) - Clarifier - Hardwork Pays Off
Friday - Your Spritual Program Shows Results
(granted my books told me those meanings)
I always believed that I had to the learn the book meanings for each of the cards. I never took the time to look at the cards and figure out what they mean to me. That is purpose of Tarot, not recite someone else's meanings. It is for me to learn to communicate with them and have me hear/see what they are telling me.

Times like this I get chills and think... hey! My cards DO like me. And I can really do this, if I just quit trying to force the discussion and just sit back and listen...

Friday, November 5, 2010

Friends

It is amazing how fast one can make friends in this world of Internet. I can write my thoughts that in the old days would be hidden within a diary between my mattresses where nobody could read but me, now days we write on the Internet and allow people that we don't know into our minds and hearts.

The Internet is what brought me to one of my best friends. Playing an online game, talking to people, we were introduced. Now I couldn't imagine my life today if he wasn't in it. He was the one that we went to the metaphysical store for/with, where I saw the Druidcraft Tarot set. It made me come home and look on my Kindle for books on Druidry. That led me to downloading the Druidry Handbook, to which he and I discussed for a while that day. I had always been afraid, for lack of a better word, to announce that this is what I believed. He was ridiculed as a child and learned to hide it. It was like we were children the way we gushed over everything I was reading. Now here we are.... I have completed my initiation and he is going to soon. If we hadn't met, I wonder if either of us would have found the strength to come to this lifestyle.

And now with this blog, I find myself daily looking to see if Evergreen has responded! :) I don't know who she is, but I love to read her blog and hear her thoughts. Even today as I logged in and found the responses that tell me its ok, that I am not alone in my feelings - it made me smile and nod softly in agreement. So... whoever you are - Thank you for listening. *hugs* (and if I ever figure out how to respond I will! LOL!)

If it were the "old" days and the Internet wasn't here, not only would I have not met these people, I would not have found Druidry. There is plenty of Wicca around, why not Druidry? Why is it in the closet so much? But that is a rant for another day. :)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Tarot

I feel like I am not learning them fast enough. That my current methods are not working. I think I am going to try a new approach. Not sure of the logistics, but it is forming in my head. Although rather than a book and paper, it will involve my mind and the cards. I hope this connection will help us learn each other easier.

Currently, I feel I am going through the motions, but the meanings are not "sticking". So much so that I have contemplated leaving them and trying something new. But this was a major draw for me and helped lead me to this path... I will not quit. I will finish this journey.

Although maybe learning a second along side tarot might be fun.

And then I draw my daily card and it is the same as yesterday... it tells me slow and steady. So I draw a clarity card which tells me that the fruits of my labor will soon pay off big time.

Guess I will just stick to my Tarot right now. It's not the time for me to be adding more to my plate.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Stepping Into My New Life

Last night I completed my initiation. I am truly a Druid Candidate. I actually feel a little different... it's kind of weird.

The initiation went very well. It was calming... the candles, the incense burning, the imagery, the words, responses, and meanings. I had to chose a Deity to talk to. I guess I could have said God(ess) or whatever, but I wanted to talk to "someone". I chose Brighid. I have always felt a pull to her, so she is who I chose.

When it was done, I kept the SOP open and finally completed my blessing on my tarot, then I proceeded to pull a 20 card New Year spread. I am having to tailor some of it for myself (They have the New Year start in Jan, but I made it known that I was starting Nov 1).  I wrote the spread down with brief meanings. I am going to spend a few days pouring over the whole spread and meanings and figure out what it REALLY means to me.

Yesterday I also received my OBOD packet in the mail. Not sure if I want to complete their process along side this one. They are more written and study oriented, with specific items discussed and covered. But I am keeping an open mind and reviewing the material. I will not make a rush decision, and I will not close the door completely if that is my decision.
I am enjoying the AODA. It is my own personal journey. I am told "here is the path and there is the end, walk it at your pace and in whatever fashion you want so long as you arrive at the end some day."

On an aside, I want to mention that it is very intimidating not having a pagan background. I see all these people coming into the druid path and they have a string of paganism behind them in some form or another. I am learning from scratch. It is something I have wanted to do for years, but never had the nerve to say out loud to people "this is what I believe". And now that I have, I am reminded how much of a novice in all of this I am. There is no wicca, or fairie, or whatever in my background.
I try to remind myself that they all started somewhere too and that they don't look down on me for it... that this is a self-imposed feeling that I have. And that it is OK to ask the group questions that I am afraid they will find silly. It is just hard sometimes.
I wish my email for a mentor would have been answered... but Silverhawk is happily answering all my questions in group so that is good for now.
Remember A - you can do this.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Samhuinn - A New Year

Well... it is that day. The day I will complete my initiation and become and actual apprentice with AODA. To say I am nervous is an understatement, but I am confident it will all go well. I have not fully read the ceremony, because I want to be surprised at how it unfolds. If I was completing it with someone, they wouldn't sit me down and walk me through it beforehand, so I won't do that either.

I am trying to take my mind off the upcoming ceremony and remind myself what today is. The New Year. The day in which the circle of life begins again. How fitting in my mind that it is today. Last night was the night of the Dead. The night in which the veil between the other world and ours was at its thinnest. Today it begins to repair itself and strengthen itself for next year.

And in my house, the day after Halloween is spent taking down the Halloween decorations and decorating with the fall leaves. The beginning of the true holiday season with the family. My family has been talking for a few weeks already of what they can't wait to eat on Thanksgiving day. It doesn't matter that I roast a chicken and make homemade mashed potatoes all the time. Doesn't matter that the husband just finished an apple pie. It is the thought of having all the kids under one roof; having our parents here; everyone together eating and making merry. That is the true meaning of the holidays. And the beginning of this season is a perfect time to celebrate.

January 1 to me was never anything to celebrate. When I was younger, it was another opportunity to get drunk with friends. As I grew out of that phase, it was a time to allow the kids to stay up late and play games as a family and wait for the ball to drop. Now that the kids are older... I am usually in bed well before midnight and could care less about it all.

But this time of year... I always feel so energized about the upcoming holidays, the familial feeling I always get this time of year. It is an internal transformation that I have always felt, so it is only fitting to celebrate this transformation with a New Year celebration.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Earth Path

The final path is the Earth path. This path has the most "work" in my mind.

I have to read nine books on local nature.
Awen - Elemental Life
  • Soil & Rock
  • Water
  • Air
Abred - Incarnate Life
  • Plant Life
  • Animal Life
  • Human Life
Gwynfydd - Spiritual Life
  • Nature Science
  • Nature Mythology
  • Nature Spirituality
I must also combine these areas to a topic that is local to me. For instance... human life - I am reading about the Oneida Indians. I feel that Gwynfydd will be the hardest to find topics on.

I must also plant a tree and tend to it for one year. I have thought about having a bonsai tree in my house and tending to it. I would have to find where to purchase one though. I would hate to have one shipped to me. I might have to go look at the local nurseries and see what is out there.

I have to incorporate three things into my life that will help nature. I have chosen to use my cloth bags as much as I can (remember), unplug my cell phone charger when not in use to cut back on wasted electricity, and turn off the water when I brush my teeth to conserve water.
As a personal aside, I have decided (with my husband) to purchase only Energy Star products when I have the opportunity (equipment needs replaced, Energy Star is available, etc). We have purchased a Blue-Ray DVD player and a flat screen HD TV, both of which are Energy Star compliant.

And once a week I need to spend 15 minutes in nature observing. Part of my time is suppose to be spent in stillness and part should be spent in focus.

I have begun my readings and my reduction of my personal "footprint" on the Earth. I have not begun my tree tending or my time in nature. I must begin those as soon as possible, especially with my impending initiation ceremony.

I have to remind myself that while you must take at least one year and one day to complete the candidate level, many people take longer. It is better to take longer and ensure one has learned it completely than to rush through it all to make the early target and not really "LEARN" what is to be learned through this journey.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Moon Path

The Moon Path is one that I have not embraced yet. I know I need to, and I know it will help me. It is finding the time to do it all. I am hoping that my downstairs place that I make can be the place I go for it all.

The Moon Path requires meditation in any form to be practiced regularly and a journal to be kept of my meditation sessions. It also required the Sphere of Protections (SOP) to be cast regularly to become familiar with it, be able to cast it without thinking, and be comfortable with it.

I tried to meditate once, last month before the baby came. They say to start with five minutes of just sitting and trying to keep your mind free of outside thoughts. I spent more time looking to see if the five minutes were up than I did meditating. And when I was trying to meditate I kept thinking of other things. It was much harder than one would imagine.

Maybe I should put a radio down there and play music. I can clear my mind and just listen to the music. Maybe that will work.

... Now I am off to find music that I want to listen to that will relax me and not have me singing along! LOL!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Sun Path

To ease my mind of the thoughts flowing through it, I will try to discuss the Sun Path. This path is laid out to allow the Druid a way to celebrate the stations of the sun throughout the year.

The holy days are:
Samhuinn - November 1 - Celtic New Year
Alban Arthuan - December 21 - Winter Solstice
Imbolc - February 2 - Shows the first signs of returning life
Alban Eiler - March 21 - Spring Equinox
Belteinne - May 1 - Celebrates the renewal of the Earth
Alban Heruin - June 21 - Summer Solstice
Lughnasadh - August 1 - First festival for Autumn
Alban Elued - September 23 - Fall Equinox

I need to find a book that explains the off festivals more. I understand the Equinoxes, and to an extent I understand why the others are celebrated... but a more in depth understanding would be nice.

I am suppose to complete a holiday ritual on each of these days. As you can see... Samhuinn is approaching (Monday to be exact). I have decided to complete my initiation ritual that day also. Instead of the holiday ritual I will do the initiation ritual. I don't think I can handle two rituals in one day.

I only have two more tasks to complete to ensure I have everything needed. And clean out an area in the basement. Not too much left to complete.

I thought Samhuinn would be an appropriate day. It is the first day of the new Celtic year. It is a day of rebirth. I can be reborn into my new spiritual life.

Excited and Nervous would be the words I would use to describe the upcoming ritual.
What if I mess something up? I hope it is forgiven as a rookie mistake! LOL!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My Spiral - Divination

When I found The Druidry Handbook and tore through it, I finished with the Appendix that outlined the First Year candidacy program. The reading starts with the Sun, Moon and Earth Spirals. While I was daunted with all the reading required, and the personal time I would have to choose to invest, I continued reading.

Then came the Spirals.

As a candidate you are required to choose one of the seven spirals to practice. You can choose Poetry, Music, Divination, Healing, Magic, Geometry, or Earth Mysteries. Some jumped out to me as definite nos. I have no desire to play with math. I stink at math. So Geometry was out. Graphic design and architecture do not appeal to me either. So while it might be interesting to read, Earth Mysteries was not something I wanted to learn about.

That left Poetry, Music, Divination, Healing, and Magic. Decisions, Decisions. It helped knowing that my Second Year I would be required to learn two additional spirals. So, while I might not learn it this year I do have the chance to learn it in my Second Year.

I finally chose Divination. Why... well, Tarot has always intrigued me. I always enjoyed getting readings completed on me. Wouldn't it be fun to learn how to do it myself? And Oghum... learning to read "the trees". While they are a type of rune (in my mind) they are fascinating to read about. And geomancy. I want to learn that! How can I possibly choose one to focus on!!!

Let me rewind time and say that the day I started to look into Druidry was the day I went to a metaphysical store and saw the Druid Tarot deck. It called to me so much that it was hard to walk out and not purchase it. But what did I need with a tarot deck? I didn't know how to read them. I didn't have a "relationship" with tarot. So I did walk away, started looking into Druidry, and fell across the Handbook. The rest is history as they say.

So... I chose Tarot to put my focus into. I will learn the others, just AFTER I am comfortable with the Tarot. I bought the Druid Tarot that called to me that day and have begun using it.

My requirements for the year are to make a journal outlining the meaning of every card in my deck. And I also have to perform nine months of divination - which amounts to 270 daily readings.
I have to complete an additional nine other readings throughout my year. I will complete major readings on holidays, as well as complete readings on family and friends.
I have to read three books on divination and select 30 themes for meditation from my readings.
And I have to finish with three pages of what divination means to me and role I feel it plays in the Druid path.

I have begun my readings. I draw one card each morning for my day. On Monday's I complete a three card draw; me, my influence, and the result.
Sometimes I have very clear "OMG! I can't believe that happened just like the cards said they might!" and other times it is so subtle that I am not sure why I received a card. But I keep pulling them daily and hoping I figure out why I received it.

The most surprising to date for me, was the time I drew the 10 of Cups twice in a row.
Let me explain that I shuffle the cards for minutes prior to my drawing. AND I cut the deck into three and the middle is the top section when they come back together.
So drawing the same card, two days in a row... well I got a bit freaked out.
10 of Cups - Happiness/Love/Fulfillment/Supporting a family member.
The second day I drew a second card, as support.
Star - Being tranquil amidst trouble.
I had no idea why I was getting this card. Until a few days later when I looked back and the next series of events came back to me....
The second day of the reading my young daughter was induced because of potential complications of the baby. My perfect grandson was born the next day.
The cards were very true for me. They were exactly what I needed to find within myself to help her.

It cemented the fact that this deck works for me, and that I chose the right spiral for this year.

Next year I am thinking Poetry.... and either Healing or Magic.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

A Start

I have made the choice to begin studying the druid path. This is not a religious path, but a path of the spirit. A way for me to connect with the Earth around me.

I had to explain to the DH that I was not renouncing God, that my beliefs are still what they have always been. I believe there is a God... maybe not the God that Christian churches want us to believe in, but I do believe there is a God. The Bible was written by man. Man is fallible. Therefore, one can infer that there were liberties taken when the Bible was written - truth imbued with fiction for effect purposes. This has always been my belief and that has not changed.

This spiritual journey is one that will allow me to understand and connect with nature. A way to open my eyes to the world around me and understand the interweaving of it all. A way to closer understand the area in which I choose to live and the wonders that are in my own backyard that are normally taken for granted.

I have slowly begun gathering the items I need to complete my initiation ritual. I have decided to complete it on the evening of Samhuinn. It is the night in which the circle of life starts again. It is this time that I have chosen to begin my new life. I grow more nervous as the time approaches. I take this as a good sign. A change of this magnitude should not be taken lightly, so any nervousness shows me that I understand the implications of it.

One of my required studies is to keep a druid journal. I began one in writing, but forget to write in it. So, I am hoping an online blog will help me remember as most of my time is spent here. I write this for personal reasons, with no expectations that it will be read by any but me.

Good Luck A - remember when you read back on this, that you believed in yourself and you can complete this journey with one step at a time. :)